Aspiring Senator Gifts

'I still love you, Harold, but I'm moving to another state and running for the Senate.'

'It's difficult transitioning from campaigning to governing...so we're getting rid of governing.'

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'Why can't we just kick Caesar upstairs?'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

The following is a paid political announcement.

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'It's Dick Cheney's biography.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'I've changed my mind...I want to grow up to be a politician.'

Upon graduation, all of the clowns would gather to find out where their assignments would be.

CONGRESS, 'It was a really tight race this time -- I had to use some of my campaign contributions for CAMPAIGNING!'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"What's your position on the Strait of Hormuz?"

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

Beware of the Legislation

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"