Senator Gifts

"He tells it like it is."

"You know what I like about power? It's so damn empowering."

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

'It guides you through the halls of bureaucracy.'

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

VOTE, 'Yes, I said '#$%!%', but it was taken out of context!'

'Is my face red! -- I had so many appointments with lobbyists last session, I forgot to VOTE for anything!'

'I prefer to call it the system of checks and balances in action, senator, not gridlock.'

Mentoring (in politics)

"Politics is the art of nothing is possible."

'Next time, I say let's be proactive and vote ourselves a pay raise before the government shutdown.'

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

'If you loan me five bucks for lunch, I'll co-sponsor that $80 billion appropriation bill of yours.'

'Meet Your New Representative.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

Mitch McConnell

Raising Taxes Is Political Suicide.

'Your lungs are in great shape, Senator. Do you work out?' 'No, I filibuster several hours a day.'

'...But every once in a while...we manage to pass something!'

'How come everything I like is always unconstitutional?'

'More and more millions here, more billions there, more trillions everywhere...it all adds up!'

Politician's mask

'This won't take long, Senator -- I'm a single-issue nut.'

'I saw my shadow this morning, so I guess we're in for six more weeks of government gridlock.'

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

"Honestly, I hadn't intended to become a congressman, but it was the only job I qualified for in the prison's work-release program."

His integrity is beyond reproach. He really believes his lies.

'Oh, he walks like a duck and talks like a duck, but he's still a turkey.'

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

"Senator, the American people, whom you often mention in your speeches, would like a word with you."

'In the senate I'm a conservative, in bed I'm a liberal!'

'I like unfunded mandates best - you don't have to worry about the math.'

'For me, this gives a new meaning to the phrase 'voter turnout'.'

'Our poll, Senator shows that half of you constituents are pro on that issue and half are con, so we recommend that you maintain a posture of equivocation.'

HOUSE APPROPRIATIONS COMMITTEE, 'The White House needs $765 billion -- we'll explain later.'