Aspiring Absurdist Gifts

I want to be a lawn!

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Nonsense Poem

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

Nikolai Gogol

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

No Double Parking

Grass: We lost some good men today!

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

"I can't wait to post this."

'We try to only make bad loans to good people.'

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

Cakeless.

'Now that's what I call an overactive thyroid.'

G.K. Chesterton.

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"

'This is the biggest belly button in the world.'

"It's good luck."

'I get a lot of job offers..'

"Do you think he'll bring treats?"

The very rare and elusive Eskimo turtle.

'Going down?'

"I don't know how to say this but I've found someone else."

"If we pull this off, we've made burglary history!"

'It's a Sam Shepard play with the usual props - burnt toast, live animals, and a penis or two.'