Aspiring Absurdist Pillows

I want to be a lawn!

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Nonsense Poem

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

Grass: We lost some good men today!

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

Nikolai Gogol

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

'We try to only make bad loans to good people.'

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

"I can't wait to post this."

Cakeless.

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

'Now that's what I call an overactive thyroid.'

G.K. Chesterton.

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"

"Do you think he'll bring treats?"

'I get a lot of job offers..'

For the War Inventions Board. The Armoured Bayonet-curler for the Spoiling the Temper of the Enemy's Steel

"I don't know how to say this but I've found someone else."

"It's good luck."

'Going down?'

The very rare and elusive Eskimo turtle.

"If we pull this off, we've made burglary history!"