Absurdist Admirer Pillows

For the War Inventions Board. The Armoured Bayonet-curler for the Spoiling the Temper of the Enemy's Steel

Cakeless.

'Talk about biting cold.'

A man climbs a tree to try to blow out the sun.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Optimist

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

Zoo: No Hunting.

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"Is it OK if I turn the humidifier up a bit?"

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

Nikolai Gogol

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."

Department of Belly Buttons - Innies/Outies Tray

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

'Goodness me, Graham! I didn't think you had musical bone in your body!'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

101 uses of a dead cat: rocking horse

"It just don't feel right, drinking him like that."

Giant sandwich bags.

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel...let down your hair ball."