Absurdist Humor Seeker Pillows

'Now that's what I call an overactive thyroid.'

Wave to the Goldfish!

Incontinent ballistic missile

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Family members!

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Boomerang cow.

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Unicorn Working From Home

"Static cling."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'Mary, I believe in historic preservation, too, but ... '

'Goodness, the potholes are deep this year, aren't they?'

Franz Kafka

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

Drinking Companions

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Eugene Ionesco

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

Nit and Flea picking 'Next please...'

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.