Absurdist At Heart Pillows

Cow-in-a-Can!

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Nonsense Poem

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

Operation.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

UFO and snowman

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

Baseball.

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

Nikolai Gogol

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

Grass: We lost some good men today!

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

'We try to only make bad loans to good people.'

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

Trapeze artists commuting

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."