Artsy Diners Gifts

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

The worm that churned!

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"For drinks or dinner?"

Dali Chooses a Lobster

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

"Fresh pepper?"

Sushi Train Spotters

Picasso

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

Burger stall at an art gallery

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

Chernobyl Chow

The Salvador Deli

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

What's a Texas Tommy? A hot dog stuffed with cheese and wrapped in bacon. Little Pete's Sounds great. Does it come with anything? A coronary.

"I'll have the chef."

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

'Genuine Venutian Bistro.'

'Can I get you anything else, sir?'

'I'll have the duck ? l'orange, without the duck, of course.'

'Enjoy?...How?'

Frank 'n' Steins...beer & bratwurst (chef Frankenstein).

"Is that your 'God Bless America' or mine?"

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that much of a surprise.'

"I'll have the artist's lunch, if there is such."