Artistic Rival Pillows

The Sculptor

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"He loves his leaf blower."

Genius Envy

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

Artists of the wild west.

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

A heated argument between dons of applied maths and ancient history.

'My app just ate your widget.'

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"Don't call me ska face!"

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

Mathematicians' put down.

Interpretive marathon

'Darling, didn't you hear? Black is the new black.'

Chess bowling.

Oh, stop trying to impress the witness with all your fancy legal mumbo jumbo, your honor. I saw her first!

War artists.

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

Sorry, Bob, but the hive voted to go with Barb's blueprint again this year.

"It's not winning I enjoy so much. It's beating you."

You throw poop like a girl.

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

Monica Seles

'It tasted nice until you told me she cooked it!'

"And as a final condition, you'll acknowledge here that despite prevailing in our battle of the bands showdown 18 years ago, you were totally outrocked by the Ted Gusten Experience."

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

'After this event, I want him tested. Blood, urine, DNA - the works. Look for anything unusual.'

"Why do you always have to make everything a competition?"