Artistic Rival Gifts

The Sculptor

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"He loves his leaf blower."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

Genius Envy

Artists of the wild west.

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

'My app just ate your widget.'

A heated argument between dons of applied maths and ancient history.

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

Mathematicians' put down.

'Darling, didn't you hear? Black is the new black.'

Interpretive marathon

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"Don't call me ska face!"

Chess bowling.

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

War artists.

"It's not winning I enjoy so much. It's beating you."

'It tasted nice until you told me she cooked it!'

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

"And as a final condition, you'll acknowledge here that despite prevailing in our battle of the bands showdown 18 years ago, you were totally outrocked by the Ted Gusten Experience."

'After this event, I want him tested. Blood, urine, DNA - the works. Look for anything unusual.'

"Why do you always have to make everything a competition?"

Mr. Tappertit's jealousy