Musical Rivals Gifts

Dueling banjos, after the duel.

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

The Sculptor

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

The battle of the pianos.

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

"No, harps aren't mandatory. You could've asked for any instrument you wanted."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

"Don't call me ska face!"

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

You throw poop like a girl.

"It's not winning I enjoy so much. It's beating you."

Monica Seles

"Pickleballers – one mile away."

Oh, stop trying to impress the witness with all your fancy legal mumbo jumbo, your honor. I saw her first!

Two ladies practising the trombones.

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

'It tasted nice until you told me she cooked it!'

'I'm afraid we're going to ask you to take a urine test, David'

Last chance to heckle a Yankee, next 150 miles.

EuroSoccer Kick-off.

"And as a final condition, you'll acknowledge here that despite prevailing in our battle of the bands showdown 18 years ago, you were totally outrocked by the Ted Gusten Experience."

"Why do you always have to make everything a competition?"

"Watch out for his divine right, Kid."

Mr. Tappertit's jealousy