Intellectual Rival Gifts

Genius Envy

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

The Sculptor

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

Bee Chess

"How on earth do you get this blasted box to open...?"

'My app just ate your widget.'

A heated argument between dons of applied maths and ancient history.

Academic Affairs: The Chair of Philosophy Corners the Chair of the Sciences

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

"Jones ... don't use that 'I'm only human' excuse with me again!"

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

Department de Philosophie

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

Mathematicians' put down.

"Why do you have to be so smart? You'd be more popular if you acted normal."

'I say it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you're sincere.', 'Who do you think you're kidding?'

'He's just messing with your mind.'

Historians' Tiff

"You still need that recipe for boiling water?"

'It tasted nice until you told me she cooked it!'

Hoodies playing chess

'Slowly destroying the planet will help weaken our competition.'

"This says freshmen college enrollment is reaching record levels!"

Your "debate club" is just a shoutfest. I'm outta here! Pleease? We really need you. Why? You've got lots of members. But you have a, umm, distinctive voice. That's nice, but

Degas Was Here

My low PGA scores beats your honor students high GPA scores any day!

Playing chess.

"That just shows how little you know."

Stupid Cat