Academic Rival Gifts

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

A heated argument between dons of applied maths and ancient history.

Mathematicians' put down.

Ethics exam cheater.

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

Genius Envy

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"Ted doesn't test well."

Examiners.

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

"About these experiements of yours into genetic cloning, Bond" boomed the Headmaster, "They must cease immediately"

"'C' isn't EITHER the new 'A'!"

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

"You know you're in trouble when you stop praying for the answers and start begging."

Beat me, kick me, make me do story problems.