Academic Challengers Gifts

'...no you can't phone a friend!'

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"How on earth do you get this blasted box to open...?"

Bee Chess

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

A heated argument between dons of applied maths and ancient history.

'My mind was a million miles away today, but that wasn't far enough.'

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

"Baldo, I'm proud of you for admitting you were wrong, but remember...a man who makes no mistakes usually does not make anything."

Contest to enter the University

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

'I've gotten over my fear of tests, but now I seem to have developed studying anxiety.'

'The good news is that you don't have any long-term memory loss. The bad news is it's all MIDTERM memory loss.'

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"So, Mrs. Miller, would you tell me briefly your methods for teaching reading, your overall philosophy of education, your views on testing, your ideas on discipline, your opinions about homework, the ways you could excite kids about science, and how you would upgrade math skills in our school should you be hired?"

You spend way too much time and energy stewing over things, Al

'I probably won't be asked to be the first brain donor.'

"I'm broke, I'm back...and I'm willing to discuss law school."

Can you tell me how to sue you for flunking me out of law school?

History exam marked as an 'Epic fail'.

Mathematicians' put down.

'Not getting into university is not going to stop me doing the things I hoped to do...'

Undergraduate talking to college porter

'It's the toxic learning environment.'