Musical Rival Pillows

"Don't call me ska face!"

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

Genius Envy

The Sculptor

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

'My app just ate your widget.'

"Still on your left."

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

'What're you doing, kid? You keep spoiling my surprise!'

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'Darling, didn't you hear? Black is the new black.'

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

"It's not winning I enjoy so much. It's beating you."

Two ladies practising the trombones.

"Pickleballers – one mile away."

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

You throw poop like a girl.

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

Oh, stop trying to impress the witness with all your fancy legal mumbo jumbo, your honor. I saw her first!

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

EuroSoccer Kick-off.

Last chance to heckle a Yankee, next 150 miles.

'I'm afraid we're going to ask you to take a urine test, David'

"And as a final condition, you'll acknowledge here that despite prevailing in our battle of the bands showdown 18 years ago, you were totally outrocked by the Ted Gusten Experience."

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

'It tasted nice until you told me she cooked it!'

"Why do you always have to make everything a competition?"

"I know what you're thinking and you should be ashamed of yourself."

Minimalist fashion.

Mr. Tappertit's jealousy