Artistic Appraiser T-Shirts

"The price of one million five is the highest price ever paid for a Blanchard."

Does your accountant view the world the way you do?

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Misunderstood artist

Mr Metrosexual.

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Juggler and Illusionist

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Scarpia's Palace

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

Leonore from Fidelio

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Leaves falling out of a painting.

Artist on the Beach

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"I've had you appraised."

Dolly Varden - 'The Laughing Dolly'

Ariana Grande caricature

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

The Famed Florsheim Illusion.