Artistic Appraiser T-Shirts

"The price of one million five is the highest price ever paid for a Blanchard."

Does your accountant view the world the way you do?

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Misunderstood artist

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Mr Metrosexual.

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Scarpia's Palace

Would you make up your mind? I can't keep letting you in and out all day.

Juggler and Illusionist

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Leonore from Fidelio

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

Artist on the Beach

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

"I've had you appraised."

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

Ariana Grande caricature