Antique Appraiser T-Shirts

Antiques roadshow: 'Yes it's definitely Silver'

Antiques Roadshow 1, plate of chips "Yes it is a King Edward's...shame its chipped"

'Absolute rubbish, worth nothing. You greedy old devil!'

A Real Find

Antiques. Special on Low-Def.

'BBC Antics Roadshow'.

Antique Show Piggy

"It's a genuine Wedgwood tea caddy and, if I'm not mistaken, one of the last pieces to leave the factory!"

'Get back inside this jewel encrusted ancient bottle now...it'll be worth more on the Antiques Roadshow.'

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'...then Johannes Gutenberg built the first bookcase'

You had me at vintage.

Antiques

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Teddy Roosevelt

Acme Slide Rules: 'We'll be here and ready, when the current electronic gadgetry fad fades!'

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

Antiques

Grandfather Clock

Islington Angels.