Art Appraiser T-Shirts

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

'I highly recommend this painting if you're into art as an investment.'

Businessman looks at abstract painting, saying: 'I won't be investing in this one -I've just met the artist and he's in perfectly good health.'

"It's one of those pieces you pay $142.4 million for at auction and then never look at again."

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'I suspect, Madam, that this Van Gogh is a forgery.'

"How much more would this be worth if something happened to you?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"Well, this initial test suggests that the authenticity of your Rembrandt may be questionable."

'I don't think firms need to worry about borrowing money as long as the money is invested wisely.'

"It's obviously an original."

"Can you guess how much it will be worth after you die?"

"I remember when it was worth $50,000, instead of $150 million -- it must have gotten a lot better."

'Are you sure it's the original?'

'Did you remember to pay taxes on this?!'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Mondrian's The Accountant

"I hear you're working at the British Museum, now?"

"Sotheby's extends its deepest sympathies and wonders whether the deceased might have owned any early German Expressionist pieces."

"A million five is the sticker price, so to speak."

"I'm afraid it's not a Kandinsky — it's a Bear Bryant."

Frenchy Fries, one of the world's greatest art forgers

'Of course, it's a genuine Ping! Listen!'

"Wait a minute...I paid 100 bucks to that fleamarket guy and now you're telling me that this original Mona Lisa could be a fake??!"

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Misunderstood artist

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'