Art-and-army Appraiser T-Shirts

Camouflage Paint.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Misunderstood artist

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

A bird that is also the helmet from a suit of armour (or is it a bird inside a helmet?). Notice the very small flying bird/helmet in the background.

Would you make up your mind? I can't keep letting you in and out all day.

Juggler and Illusionist

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Scarpia's Palace

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

Artist on the Beach

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

"I've had you appraised."

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

The Famed Florsheim Illusion.

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

Coot on a jetty

Ariana Grande caricature

Evolution or Creation? A Compromise