Art Valuers T-Shirts

"I want to see it as art, but I keep asking myself 'is it really grocery?'"

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Use your imagination.

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Misunderstood artist

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

Art Gallery.

Juggler and Illusionist

Would you make up your mind? I can't keep letting you in and out all day.

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"He's an abstract artist."

"Caricatures $20"

Scarpia's Palace

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

Artist on the Beach

"I read 'Art News.'"

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."