Art Valuers T-Shirts

"I want to see it as art, but I keep asking myself 'is it really grocery?'"

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Misunderstood artist

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Juggler and Illusionist

Art Gallery.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"He's an abstract artist."

Scarpia's Palace

"Caricatures $20"

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

"I read 'Art News.'"