Art School Reject Gifts

The Art Student.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

The Artist

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Just call me Picasso!

Picasso: The Early Years

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

German School

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

Cubism Model