Art School Dreamer Gifts

"I was rather hoping a Passaic River School might form, but so far it's just me."

The Art Student.

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

'Remember, Edward, inside every 'F' student is a 'D' student trying to get out.'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'Projectile painting.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Just call me Picasso!

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"I really love school. There's only one problem. I think not having a college degree is holding me back."

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

German School

The world's most unemployable family

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

Good luck in your A Levels.