Art History Teacher Gifts

'Now class,' says teacher, looking at a bowl of fruit. Behind her, her class is staring at a portrait of a naked woman.

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

You're my Mona Lisa.

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

Support the Ex-Troops

At the Museum

Flags

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

Paul Klee

Apples for sale

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

The DaVinci Code

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'I'm in my Blue period.'

The Googler

"I think he was a celebrity."

"Away with the warmonger!"

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

A caveman paints from life

Venus

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

Instructional guide to scribbling

Children's artwork exhibition.

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"Mr. Right!"

"Well....I could've done this!"

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."