Modern Art Teacher Gifts

Damien Hirst's art teacher

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

A Puppet Named Juan

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Paul Klee

The Artist

'I'm in my Blue period.'

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

Instructional guide to scribbling

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

Children's artwork exhibition.

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not in art class. I will not talk in art class.

Young Picasso at the Beach

Misunderstood artist

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Projectile painting.'

"You're welcome."

It's a call from Tate modern.

Cat with Nine Still Lives

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

"You're my Mona Lisa."