Art Collection Curator Gifts

'Would you like to see the rest of my art collection?'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Paul Klee

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

The Googler

"I think he was a celebrity."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"And this is our media room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Physician tending a mummy.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Use your imagination.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

Painting taking root...

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.