Curator Of Collections Gifts

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

The Googler

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"And this is our media room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Physician tending a mummy.

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

Misunderstood artist

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'