Library Curator Gifts

'I wouldn't read that book, dear...it's only there to impress visitors.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Paul Klee

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

The Googler

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"And this is our media room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Physician tending a mummy.

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

TV-Man

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

'Projectile painting.'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Misunderstood artist

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"