Art Museum Curator Gifts

"Get that de Kooning sneer off your face. This is Turner!"

"It almost makes you want to actually look behind you to see what he's so panicked about."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Paul Klee

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I think he was a celebrity."

The Googler

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"And this is our media room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Physician tending a mummy.

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"His mother had a great influence on him. She always made him eat his fruits and vegetables."

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"