Art Curator Gifts

"That would look really good in my office."

"Now this I get."

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

"Fortunately, I think we have an extremely accurate copy of it in the museum's gift shop."

The curse that afflicts abstract painting.

'I could do that.'

"I love what you do with low-hanging fruit!"

'It's titled 'Art Thief'.'

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

"Lou, c'm'ere - you gotta check out this guy's Degas!"

Caveman Art Gallery.

"It may well be a hugely significant example of early 18th century Flemish art...but as head of merchandising I have to ask 'What would it look like on a fridge magnet?'"

The Big Picture

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

'I can't think of a single thing to paint.'

'It must have been one of those 'Casual Fridays'.'

Security guards guarding a pot and cup of coffee on display.

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

"Why didn't the artist just change her smile in the computer?"

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

I always wanted to be a muse.

'Call the police. Some vandal has wrecked the Tracy Emin installation!'

Farmer's looking at paintings of haystacks.

"Do we want the label, too?"

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

"This painting, we're sorry to say, is pure trash."

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'It's from my strange-but-not-as-strange-as-I-am-now period.'

Woman knits a jumper for nude artwork.

A man walks into a modern art museum, where a painting matches his shirt.

Prison Art - Bent Screw

Frontispiece for Beardsley's Erotic Novel 'Venus and Tannhauser'- Not Used in this Form

"Don't forget your chiropractor's appointment tomorrow!"

Painting of boat is tilted with water on bottom.