Art Curator Gifts

"That would look really good in my office."

"Now this I get."

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

"Fortunately, I think we have an extremely accurate copy of it in the museum's gift shop."

The curse that afflicts abstract painting.

'I could do that.'

"I love what you do with low-hanging fruit!"

'It's titled 'Art Thief'.'

"Lou, c'm'ere - you gotta check out this guy's Degas!"

The Big Picture

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

"It may well be a hugely significant example of early 18th century Flemish art...but as head of merchandising I have to ask 'What would it look like on a fridge magnet?'"

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Caveman Art Gallery.

"Why didn't the artist just change her smile in the computer?"

'Call the police. Some vandal has wrecked the Tracy Emin installation!'

'It must have been one of those 'Casual Fridays'.'

I always wanted to be a muse.

Security guards guarding a pot and cup of coffee on display.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can't think of a single thing to paint.'

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

A man walks into a modern art museum, where a painting matches his shirt.

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

"This painting, we're sorry to say, is pure trash."

'I love the frame on this one!'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

Frontispiece for Beardsley's Erotic Novel 'Venus and Tannhauser'- Not Used in this Form

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

Painting of boat is tilted with water on bottom.

"Do we want the label, too?"

Farmer's looking at paintings of haystacks.

Woman knits a jumper for nude artwork.

'It's from my strange-but-not-as-strange-as-I-am-now period.'