Armchair Referee Gifts

Instant Replay

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"Look! Look! I could do that and what would I get? Plenty of earache, that's what! And would I deserve it, I'll say! Tsk!"

"If the Ref doesn't give that, it's the end of football!"

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Putting Practice.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"Goal!"

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'