Armchair Referee Gifts

Instant Replay

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"Look! Look! I could do that and what would I get? Plenty of earache, that's what! And would I deserve it, I'll say! Tsk!"

"If the Ref doesn't give that, it's the end of football!"

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Bowled over again!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Putting Practice.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"Goal!"

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.