Couch Referee Gifts

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'I wonder what he is thinking about...'

'The team in white are bound to win - look at the size of the other team!'

Shelly consults her basketball-time-to-real-time conversion chart.

"Can you put it on pause for a moment, Eric? I'd like to get a word in edgeways."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."