Armchair Critic Gifts

'Move! You're blocking the TV.'

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

"Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the, 'everything's wonderful' cable news?"

'He's been on 'life support' since the day I married him!'

'400 channels and the only thing good on TV is my drink.'

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

'The behaviour of some these ******* kids is a ******* disgrace, you wonder where they ***** get it from.'

'Ah -- Sipping at the fount o knowledge again, I see.'

So much to be cross about, so little time.

'I'd like to see someone start that bi-partisan stuff with me!'

'Let me call my wife. She's full of 'second opinions'.

'...And our extended forecast calls for one #!@*!! thing after another.'

'At the moment he's watching the programme all the critics' agree is an insult to human intelligence...'

Armchair Predator (cat watches Discovery Channel)

There's more and more reality TV. . . How about a night with George.

'A Government spokesman today told the following shameless lies....'

Reality television programme - showing infinite regression

Cameron's Knee-jerk Response to Terrorism

"Do you think reality television will ever show reality?"

"It's better being out of power. Then your base loves you for doing nothing."

This viewer contains strong language

"WIne and blummin' golf! Armchair and Builder's Tea will do me, eh, Mother?"

Responsibility By Dummies

"This news is too true to be good."

"Gulf of America is about right."

"Of course it's depressing. It's supposed to be depressing. It's a tragedy."

"With this film, I finally enter the front ranks of American moviegoers."

"‘Nicole Richie arrested for DUI’ ... Bless that girl, she never lets me down."

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

"How can a company called 'Yahoo' be worth $44.6 billion?!"

"The following program contains adult situations designed to make you feel bad about your life."

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

"Honey, quick! Look at this — CNN is showing actual news!"

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

"Today Israel and Hamas agreed to see if they could agree on whether a hostage swap could be agreed upon."