Armchair Critics Gifts

Turkish Democracy

The intellectual.

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

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"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

Who's Dead

"I got a tweet from Putin NOT to attack Iran."

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

Development in Russia after the Soviet Union...

'Helen! I'm all settled in and I don't want to get up. Would you get the remote for me?'

'What's wrong, people? You wanna be sooper-dooper safe, don't you?'

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

"I attribute most of my problems in the third grade to the media."

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'I want a classic that reveals eternal truths, absolute justice and moral courage without challenging my basic prejudices.'

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

"Of course it's depressing. It's supposed to be depressing. It's a tragedy."

"The following program contains adult situations designed to make you feel bad about your life."

"Since you retired, you've gone to pieces!"