Armchair Analysts Gifts

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

"It doesn't really matter who wins the next election, as long as we can keep consuming whatever we want."

Republicans searching for fraud.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

Turkish Democracy

The intellectual.

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

Kim-Putin Summit

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

'Voodoo economics was bad enough, but this voodoo foreign policy....'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"I got a tweet from Putin NOT to attack Iran."

Famous Pieces of Paper

'The people who've been running our economy say we don't have to worry about global warming.'

"It's been a bit of a roller coaster year so far."

American's Funniest Invasion Strategies.

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

The next drone flight

"Italy's national debt runs into trillions. How do you repossess a country?"

Who's Dead