Armchair Analyst Gifts

'I don't need an agent. I negotiated my own contract for ten million...Ten dollars a month for a million years.'

Development in Russia after the Soviet Union...

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

"They should make the election best of seven."

In the wake of the Duelfer report the White House vows to improve U.S. intelligence gathering.

If only it really worked this way. . .

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

Kim Jong Il: A little dip and that South Korean ship is nuked!

"...And another in-depth debate, 'should we stay or should we leave...'"

'Today a government spokesman admitted U.S. foreign policy is so confused...'

'He's been looking for a job for days. He hopes to find it on Facebook.'

"I had a terrible dream: The English Channel froze and immigrants from Europe rushed across the ice to our island."

Stop Botox Sanctions!

"Putin his nose where it doesn't belong!"

"Well...that escalated quickly."

War News

A man sitting on a map of the world surrounded by missiles

"If you think Trump fatigue is bad, just imagine what it's like for Russians with Putin fatigue."

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"He should've passed."

Saddam: 'See? We accept UN weapon inspectors! Ask him if he found anything!' (Captions may be modified.)

"No incumbents were harmed in the passage of this stimulus package...."

"Having carefully weighed up what each party has to offer I've decided to emigrate."

"I'm not paranoid. I'm that other 8-letter word - 'informed.'"

"Repeats, repeats...I've seen this news eight times today."

"The battle for ratings points will continue following this appeal for consumer dollars."

'Some good news in congressional budget wars. Democrats and Republicans agreed to a brief humanitarian ceasefire.'

'Zero progress on government gridlock reform. . . but my last attack ad, blaming the rival party, went viral.'

Obama's Job Plan Booby Trap

'Bush said Iraq is NOT in a civil war because there have been no sightings of 'Union' or 'Confederate' army flags.'

'Bloody foul.'

Who's Dead

'Being as you've never played. How did you get to be head football coach?'