Armchair Analyst Pillows

'I don't need an agent. I negotiated my own contract for ten million...Ten dollars a month for a million years.'

Development in Russia after the Soviet Union...

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

"They should make the election best of seven."

In the wake of the Duelfer report the White House vows to improve U.S. intelligence gathering.

If only it really worked this way. . .

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

Kim Jong Il: A little dip and that South Korean ship is nuked!

"...And another in-depth debate, 'should we stay or should we leave...'"

'Today a government spokesman admitted U.S. foreign policy is so confused...'

Obama's Job Plan Booby Trap

'Zero progress on government gridlock reform. . . but my last attack ad, blaming the rival party, went viral.'

'Some good news in congressional budget wars. Democrats and Republicans agreed to a brief humanitarian ceasefire.'

"The battle for ratings points will continue following this appeal for consumer dollars."

"Repeats, repeats...I've seen this news eight times today."

'Bush said Iraq is NOT in a civil war because there have been no sightings of 'Union' or 'Confederate' army flags.'

"I'm not paranoid. I'm that other 8-letter word - 'informed.'"

'Bloody foul.'

Who's Dead

'Being as you've never played. How did you get to be head football coach?'

Saddam: 'See? We accept UN weapon inspectors! Ask him if he found anything!' (Captions may be modified.)

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

"If you think Trump fatigue is bad, just imagine what it's like for Russians with Putin fatigue."

War News

"Well...that escalated quickly."

"Putin his nose where it doesn't belong!"

Stop Botox Sanctions!

"I had a terrible dream: The English Channel froze and immigrants from Europe rushed across the ice to our island."

A man sitting on a map of the world surrounded by missiles

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"He should've passed."

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

"The White House pressed the Supreme Court to rule the House Of Representatives unconstitutional."

"I got a tweet from Putin NOT to attack Iran."