Armchair Journalist Gifts

"Squirrel news of the day: Same as yesterday. Good night and good luck."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

Turkish Democracy

The intellectual.

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

'War protestor': 'Oh no! Not this again...'

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

Lisbon Treaty.

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

"I got a tweet from Putin NOT to attack Iran."

"Listen, everybody; as a special treat, David will now read us several of his recent letters to The New York Times, chiding them for criticizing Israel."

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

Famous Pieces of Paper

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

Who's Dead

'Primitive people drew symbols on paper to communicate, or as grandmom calls it, writing.'

Campaign 2016

Development in Russia after the Soviet Union...

"This is Sally Whitgart on TV -- We now switch you to Bart Fribledale on the Internet...."