Armchair Sports Analyst Gifts

Man shouting 'go team!' at the TV and his dog pondering 'the meaning of life'.

'What a Summer of Sport, eh?'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Turkish Democracy

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

Centaur Forward

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Basketball.

Lost Season

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

'Nice tackle, Dewey! You knocked the fur ball out of him!'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'