Armchair Experts Gifts

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

The intellectual.

Turkish Democracy

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

Technological Dependence.

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"Damn, I forgot to pack a jumper."

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

"Yeah, and the new job lets me work from home."

"I've passed your complaints along to the captain."

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

Red State Football

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

Advanced Zen for Couch Potatoes: Earl becomes One with his Lazy-Boy.

"No, we’re not lost, Claire. And yes, I have seen ‘Deliverance’!"

Who's Dead

'Primitive people drew symbols on paper to communicate, or as grandmom calls it, writing.'

"I got a tweet from Putin NOT to attack Iran."

'He does what he wants - I blame that new manager, Mourinho!'

What can I get you, Uncle Mort? An answer. How many countries are we at war with right now? One? … No wait … Two? No wait … Seven? … No wait … oh yeah. The answer is none. If none of them are "declared." Then none of them count as "wars." It's in the Constitution. That's not what the Constitution means!!!

Development in Russia after the Soviet Union...

Now that we're too old to migrate, we still travel, but locally. What an amazing region we live in!

How long have you been delusional?

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

'What's wrong, people? You wanna be sooper-dooper safe, don't you?'

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

One China, Two Minds