Application Process Jester Gifts

'Don't have references. Would you accept accomplices?'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

Scapegoat of the Year

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

I don't like the looks of this.

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

'The fact that you like Tang really doesn't qualify you to be an astronaut.'

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'

"Your resume says SOB, tell me more about that."

'From left to right: witchfinder general, jester jocular and spouse peculiar.'

"Can't do them, sorry. I'm waiting for the paint to dry."

Never poke fun.

Thanks For Not Firing Me Cards

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

I'm trying to figure out what drives you... A new company car would be nice.

'This decaf's lousy.'