Appearance T-Shirts

Citizen's advice bureau, "I'd shave off the beard"

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth."

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

A bald eagle approaches middle age

Man applying superglue to his toupee before driving in his convertible.

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'My cosmetic surgery clinic does well but it's always nip and tuck.'

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

'One good thing about baldness, it's neat.'

'Bad hairy-chest day.'

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

"November 15, 2063 – leonard's eyebrows finally achieve singularity.

Shepherd and eurydice

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Bond James, Bond."

They hated me.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Showbiz Awards

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"