Appearance Critic T-Shirts

Ew, I look terrible! Take one more!

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

This picture of me in the annual report...do you think it really captures the true inner corporate man?

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

'A neighbour of mine has just come in - put 'em in a size 4 box, will you?'

My Mom texted me to let me know she hates all the fonts she saw this week.

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

Martina Klein

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

Mirror, mirror, oval in shape, who's that pretentious beret-wearing ape?

Frank and Ernest Updated Fairy Tales. Do you mean fair like "pretty" or fair like "evenhanded"?

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

'I'm going to stop coming here -it's completely lost it's fresh, country atmosphere!'

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

Budget cure

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

Before becoming an astronomer, James worked in the fashion industry.

'Anything else you want fixing, while I'm taking the mole off your nose?'

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

"Actually, I do look a lot like my mom. It's just that I have her first nose."

TV Programme - Celebrity cosmetically enhanced body parts.