Appearance Appreciator T-Shirts

Wait - Before I surface, do I have anything stuck between my teeth? Whale Watching Tour.

Do you have hair, um, rinses that look natural? Of course! So that no one notices? Ahem! Oh, right

'What bothers me is his hairier-than-though attitude.'

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Jarvis Cocker

Mr Metrosexual.

Silver Fox

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Analysis of Beauty - Plate II.

Rating the Sunset

Oscar Wilde

'What a view! The motivational poster doesn't do it justice.'

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

The Return of Tannhauser to Venusberg

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

'A neighbour of mine has just come in - put 'em in a size 4 box, will you?'

A visit to a Victorian Painter.

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

"Put another minnow on my line!"

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'I like it, but is it Art?'

"Your mother was young and restless and knew what she wanted. She wanted out."

Messalina Returning from the Bath - Probably Intended to Illustrate 6th Satire of Juvenal

"Who's idea was it to serve dressed-mutton?"

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

Modern Furniture/Sculptures Object to Old Fashioned Chair.

On some of the paintings my right brain says they're good art, but my left brain says they're bad investments. On others, my right brain says they're bad art, but my left brain says they're good investments.

'Anything else you want fixing, while I'm taking the mole off your nose?'

Da Vinci calms Mona Lisa with bottle of wine.

Francis Bacon

"I don't really follow sports. I just like how it looks."