Apology Acceptor Pillows

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

Priest's 'To do' list.

"I know I haven't been much of a master to you, but then again you haven't been much of a pet to me."

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

Hyacinths

"OK, what have you done?"

"This is to apologise for the delay in internal mail that you wrote to us about in 1997"

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

'Yes, he plans to accept his party's nomination but first I have to accept his apology.'

Very sorry

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'

Remorse code

Man looks for wife help from machine.

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

'Let's pretend we're married so we can have a fight!'

"I'm still waiting for an apology!"

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

I need a not to expensive gift that doesn't hurt when thrown to my head.

'Bob forgot your birthday. He went fishing instead. So he sent you this Excuse-O-Gram. In hopes he won't end up dead.'

"When I called you an idiot I meant it in the nicest possible way."

'Awfully glad you could make it,old boy and please excuse the gloves,won't you?'

Fake it with Flowers.

'Expensive wine, long-stem roses, imported candies...wasn't our argument about MY spending habits?'

"For the hundredth time, I'm sorry. It was dark, I was working fast..."

"Here it comes, another one of his classic non-apologies."

"Why don't you just tell me what idiotic thing you did, and I'll pick out the appropriate bouquet!"