Apology Accepted Pillows

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"I know I haven't been much of a master to you, but then again you haven't been much of a pet to me."

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

Sorry

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

Hyacinths

"OK, what have you done?"

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

"This is to apologise for the delay in internal mail that you wrote to us about in 1997"

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'Yes, he plans to accept his party's nomination but first I have to accept his apology.'

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

Greeting Cards

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

Very sorry

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'

Remorse code

Man looks for wife help from machine.

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'Let's pretend we're married so we can have a fight!'

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

Feeling guilty? Florest

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"I'm still waiting for an apology!"

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

'If you're not sorry then I'm not sorry. . .but if you're sorry then I'm sorry.'

'Bob forgot your birthday. He went fishing instead. So he sent you this Excuse-O-Gram. In hopes he won't end up dead.'

I need a not to expensive gift that doesn't hurt when thrown to my head.