Anxious Reader Gifts

Fear of news.

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Man reading in lamp

Agoraphobic Explorer

"Is it okay that I said yes to that costume party?"

'But what if the author doesn't want to meet us?'

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

The Tell-Tale Heart 2: Lost Phone On Vibrate

'She will not call on me, she will not call on me, she. . .'

"Just get out there and be yourself – or better yet, someone like me."

Person is hiding behind book entitled 'Coping with shyness'.

"Did we switch everything off before we left?"

Worry about everything that might happen/Me/Be ready for nothing that does happen.

'What if I want to stop? Where's the pause button?'

"Anyway, all you'll need to worry about soon is which direction the wind is blowing."

"Is that Baldo's 'scary Halloween' face?"

'You need to go for a walk, but they can't find your leash! You start to panic...'

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn’t called me back. What could possibly be the reason? She no longer likes me; She's gotten into a horrible accident; She's having an affair with Justin Timberlake? She's moving to Europe without telling me?! HOJ. She hasn't gotten the message yet? She's moving to Europe with Justin Timberlake.

Someone is always trying to force me to have more fun in my life phobia: 'Can you recommend someplace where nothing is expected of us? Wilbur can't stand pleasure of any sort.'

Fear of frying.

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"

'So, the paper's a little messed-up after I've been reading it ... big deal!'

"By your powers combined, I am going outside."

"This retail therapy isn't working for me."

A family hides from the TV news.

Man runs from self-help book called 'Feel the Fear and Run Away.'

"Don't worry, in the case of an accident the pilot is the first on the scene."