Antkeeping Gifts

I took up antkeeping.

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"You keep impeccable time."

An 'out of this-world' soccor player stops the penalty his way!

Saving a Heart

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

Pointing.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"I had to skip my workout."

A watch face with Stonehenge

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

Leak in the fish tank.

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'As far as clock watching goes, you take the biscuit.'

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Sheep Ledger

Fish Tank Label - Corporation Fish

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

Bathroom Fairy

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

Fish-tank Skyscraper.