Antisocial Strategist Gifts

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

'Are you two friends?' - 'No, we just hate the same people.'

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

'His social skills have improved since he lost his job in banking.'

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

'Oh hey Rhonda, whatcha doin?'

"Civic responsibility, ethics, and a dedication to the people we serve; they're killing our business."

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"Agreed then-I won't network you if you don't network me."

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

Boss with Angel and Devil on his shoulders - 'They're not employees, but we do have a symbiotic relationship.'

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

"She also sits up there so she doesn't have to talk to anyone."

"Okay, so we all agree to support your father's run for office even though his ideas are bats**t crazy."

"Gah! Too many people!"

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

Learning to read body language, lesson one: 'Leave me alone!'

…So we finally got women to stare at us…now what?... E. A. N. B. Q. R. T. L.

Long time no see, Darlene. That was by design. I've booked you under mad, passionate midlife crisis fling with a guy my family and friends would disapprove of. That's scheduled for March 2019 - February 2020. But if you say anything dumb between now and then that renders you unattractive, I'll have to replace you. It'd be tough to vet a sub at this late a date. I don't know the meaning of the word dumb ... tough, but not impossible.

'Edgworth has come to terms with himself. He likes himself very much, but he can't stand anyone else.'

The anti-social network: 'In other words, you want to help the internet blow itself up.'

"I'm going to write you a prescription for new friends."

"The floor is any human contact."

'Do you take social currency?'