Antisocial Strategist Pillows

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

'Are you two friends?' - 'No, we just hate the same people.'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

'Oh hey Rhonda, whatcha doin?'

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"Agreed then-I won't network you if you don't network me."

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

Boss with Angel and Devil on his shoulders - 'They're not employees, but we do have a symbiotic relationship.'

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

"She also sits up there so she doesn't have to talk to anyone."

"Gah! Too many people!"

"Okay, so we all agree to support your father's run for office even though his ideas are bats**t crazy."

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

"Whenever we talk to staff the work/life issue keeps cropping up!"

"The floor is any human contact."

'Edgworth has come to terms with himself. He likes himself very much, but he can't stand anyone else.'

"I'm going to write you a prescription for new friends."

Learning to read body language, lesson one: 'Leave me alone!'

The anti-social network: 'In other words, you want to help the internet blow itself up.'