Animal Jokes Gifts

'I've noticed that it's only since I started laying golden eggs that everybody wants to be my friend...'

You've got to quit sneaking up on us like that!"

"Do me next."

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

Snowmobull

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

Dog wearing a cone

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

Of Mice and Men.

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Honk if you love me!"

Cat plays an arcade game that involves shooting at gun into a mouse hole.

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"I hate it..."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Don't tell anyone, but some of my best cartoons are about cats."

"You're famous, Angus."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"I've been at loose ends lately."

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."